how to build a bridge

Everyone knows the saying "you can't pick your family". Usually, my response to this gem would be "well, why would you want to anyway?" I am very close to my family, although I don't see any of them as much as I'd like to, but I don't need to see them every day to know that they're there for me whenever I need them, and vice versa.


Well it turns out maybe some are more than others!


I hate fighting with family. It makes me feel absolutely wretched. Recently, I had a bit of a tiff with a couple of members of my family over something really trivial. Yet, three weeks on I still think about it every day and get hurt and angry and upset all over again.


I'm usually the kind of person who forgives very easily (my Mum would even say too easily) but never forgets. But this time, there's been no closure to the situation and every day I feel more awkward about it. I don't want to alienate myself from the people I love over something so small but I'm honestly finding it really hard to let go.  I feel like the whole thing was really unfair and unnecessary and I hate that there seems to be nothing I can do about it.


I want to go over to their houses and just give them a big hug and tell them I love them, but pride stops me dead in my tracks. I don't want this to be seen as an apology or an admission of guilt for something I didn't do! I don't want to let them win and I don't want to let poor behaviour win.


Yet something in my brain tells me to grow up, be the bigger person and "build a bridge and get over it!" It's the classic Angel v. Devil type scenario. 


Another argument between the two sides is this: one side says I might as well apologise because no one else will and the responsibility to make everything okay again always rests on my shoulders, and let's face it, I probably did do something wrong because I usually do; whereas the other side says: screw it! Stick up for yourself once in your bloody life, woman!


I don't think I'll build that bridge just yet. Maybe I'll build a canoe instead and head downstream...


You can't pick your family, you can only fly away from them!